Time and Change
by CSIBuckeye
Summary: Grissom's life changes in the blink of an eye


Title: Time and Change

Author: CSIBuckeye

Rating: M for smut

Pairing: GSR

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: No money changed hands, no infringement intended

Notes: Thanks as always for Daphne's irreplaceable beta skills! You earned your keep on this one! And a special shout out to my lil sis Carie for all her support!

The words hung suspended in the air the instant they left her lips, and Grissom watched as time literally eased to a halt. He felt the whoosh of the blood circulating through his body slow with the beat of his heart and watched as a tear that had formed in the corner of Sara's eye hovered on the brink of her eyelid. They'd stood here many times before; she waiting for his response while he desperately grasped for the right words. And yet now, instead of looking up to find she'd grown impatient and walked away, he was being given the time to get this one right. Because this time, his response would change everything.

A crooked grin formed as his shock dissipated and he studied the face in front of him. He loved the tiny lines that were just becoming evident at the corners of her mouth and eyes. They were not only reflections of Sara's life; they were reminders of the time that had passed since he'd first locked his gaze on her at the seminar in San Francisco. The gap toothed smile and bright intelligent eyes that accompanied her probing questions had been his undoing. He had found himself making excuses to talk to her after lectures, the increasing attraction between them undeniable. Chats after class led to talks over coffee, which led to debates over dinner. He had never imagined anyone like her. Everything had been so easy and natural that he was truly blindsided when he realized they were falling in love.

_Checking his watch for what seemed the hundredth time since they entered the terminal he had a sudden insight into Einstein's Theory of Relativity. A moment at a decomp lasted an eternity, yet a week with someone who really stimulated you, was over in the blink of an eye. When he glanced at the brunette beside him his breath caught at the sadness in her eyes. He was really going to miss her._

_As the airport intercom echoed his impending departure, she brought her fingertips to his cheek, her thumb tracing his lips. _

"_Sara," he sighed, intending to warn her away, but succeeding only in giving voice to his desire. And before he could remind her of everything that was wrong with their situation, he felt her mouth on his, and everything was right. A touch of her tongue along his lips and he opened to her, losing himself in the hot press of her mouth against his as she snaked her hands around his neck._

_He shivered with the brush of her fingers on the back of his neck, imagining her hands sliding over him as they made love, and feeling the contentment that would come when he woke to her in his arms. And as longing coursed through him he knew he was falling, but even worse he knew he wasn't alone. Panic welled up inside him and he abruptly broke the kiss, stepping away._

_She stared at him, confusion and disappointment etched on her face as she watched him touch his fingers to his lips. _

_He could feel the fading promise of her lips as he stared down at his shoes, unable to bear the hurt he'd glimpsed in her eyes. He knew if he tried to say anything, he would somehow end up asking her to come with him. And he couldn't do that to her. She was so very young, just starting off in her career, and it wouldn't be fair to her. When he finally looked up, she was gone, lost in the masses of travelers. His heart ached with her absence and he wondered for the first of many times, what he'd done._

His eyes lingered on the tear glistening in her eye. Since they'd started sharing a life, she'd become less self conscious about letting him seeing her cry, but it hadn't always been that way. She had long considered tears to be a sign of weakness that she couldn't afford to show anyone and he remembered with clarity the first time he'd seen her lose that battle. Her amazing will had been no match for her heart and his heart had been no match for her tears.

"_Do you want to sleep with me?" _

_His eyes darted immediately to hers as he drew his hand across his mouth, wiping off the soup he'd nearly spit out in shock. His pulse raced with the sickening fear that she'd seen through his thin veneer of self control. "Did you just say what I think you said?"_

_As he listened to her pour out her anguish, he could feel the despair emanating from her, and knew she needed guidance. When she swiped angrily at a tear that threatened to escape, he was surprised by the vulnerability in her face, but he was stunned by the fierce determination he felt in himself. He knew the case was exceptionally hard on her and he was doing everything in his power to find justice for the victim. But as he watched her walk away, he knew he wouldn't stop until he found justice for Sara as well._

Glancing down at her left hand he traced the faint scar with his eyes. Whenever he was worried about her, his gaze would somehow find its way to the palm of her hand. It reminded him of how quickly things could change and how fragile life really was. And he remembered the first time he'd let his guard slip in front of her, giving her a brief glimpse of his own vulnerability.

_The din was almost deafening: people talking, sirens blaring, firemen working, even as the blast still echoed in his head. But all the chaos seemed to fade away as his gaze fell on her, sitting alone on the curb looking utterly lost. And suddenly she was the entire world. "Are you okay?"_

_Her vague, disconnected response to his question made him truly examine her. Her face was smudged with dirt and covered in small scratches, while her left hand was cradled in her lap. Turning her palm up he saw a wicked gash that would probably need stitches. As their eyes met again, he found nothing of the woman who usually resided there and he was overcome with the need to rescue her. "Honey, this doesn't look good." Only later did he think about what he'd said in that unguarded moment, and all the different ways he'd meant it. _

Shifting his gaze to the middle of her chest, where her heart laid beating, a sad smile passed across his face. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't give thanks for Sara's love. But he also knew that her heart was her own, and as she gave it to him freely she could also take it away. And the first time he'd come to this realization was also the first time he began to have serious doubts about the choices he'd made.

_He stared at the report in his hands, unable to concentrate on the words as his mind drifted to the author. He had one eye on the doorway, hoping to catch her on her way home, knowing he owed her one hell of an apology._

_She sighed as she stopped in his doorway, "Good night."_

"_Good night Sara," he saw nothing of the anger he knew he deserved. "Nice job on the high school case," he said trying to suppress the jealousy on which he knew he had no claim. He had pushed her away again and again only to draw her back in. But this time he'd pushed her all the way into another man's arms, and the thought of someone else touching her almost made him physically ill._

"_I'm sorry I missed your page, it's just…You tell me to get a life and then I get one and …then you expect me to be there at a moment's notice. It's… confusing."_

_Averting his eyes, the bland resignation in her voice stung him so much more than her ire would have. Regret welled up in his chest and he swallowed hard as he pulled off his glasses. There were no words to explain his behavior today or how sorry he was for leading them here with his inaction. Emptiness filled him when he looked up to find her gone. There was always so much left unspoken between them, and he knew he had no one to blame but himself. _

His own right hand fell under his gaze next as he thought of all the times he'd touched her. In the beginning it had been surreptitiously placing his hand in the small of her back, or brushing by her in a crowded lab space. Now it was running his hand through her hair as she kissed him, or tracing along her delicate spine as he massaged her back. But until the day he died, he would remember in minute detail the first time he'd taken her hand in his.

_Confessions of a childhood he couldn't possibly understand spilled from her in a steady stream, and his heart splintered with each of her tears. Trying to swallow the lump in his throat, he searched for the strength and wisdom to be what she needed._

_As he watched her curl into herself in the chair, sobbing with her recollections, he reached out to touch her. He gave no thought to the line that was being crossed as he took her hand in his, stroking lightly over her fingers. He was witnessing the strongest woman he'd ever met; break right in front of him. He knew only that she needed a friend, and for possibly the first time in his life, he listened to his heart, truly believing that he could be what she needed._

Letting his eyes wander, they found the now almost invisible blemish on the side of her neck. He had never been as afraid in his life as he had been that day. That's why it always struck him as ironic that glancing at this place always filled him with peace. It was in fearing that he might lose everything that he'd found the courage to risk it all. And in a split second the moment came back to him, and he was there.

_His body plastered to the glass, he begged for the office door to be opened as he helplessly watched a lunatic take control of his life. He literally could not wrap his mind around the possibility unfolding in front of him. And he realized that the reason he couldn't imagine his life without Sara, was because he didn't want that life._

_The press of the weapon against her throat left a marked indentation and his breathing stopped. Locking his eyes on hers, he knew the terror there was a mirror of his own. And he made a promise to both of them even as he prayed for the chance to see it through. He would no longer be a passive observer in his life; he would actually start living it. And when she blew past him into the hall, he swallowed the bitter taste of regret that lingered in the back of his throat. He wanted to put his head down and cry in gratitude, but he couldn't, he had a promise to keep. _

And as the scenes from his life flashed by in succession, he finally got it. He had always thought he was living a life of solitude, but he had really been living a life of fear. Her recent announcement played in his head, and he knew that he would have been terrified by it once, but now he found himself bursting with anticipation. Such was the power of his love for her. And for the first time in his life he knew unequivocally that the right words for this situation were in fact not words at all. Time reverted to normal with that insight, and his thumb brushed away the tear she didn't even know was about to fall. He drew his fingertips across her cheek before cupping her face in his hands and placing the tenderest of kisses on her lips.

She slowly pulled back, her breath catching as she took in the smile that stretched from his heart to his twinkling eyes. There was no hesitation in his response, no uncertainty in his face and she actually started to believe that those things meant what she wanted them to. The tension began to unfurl itself from her body as he pulled her into an embrace, "So you're okay with this then?"

The question in her voice made him hesitate. It broke his heart to realize that she hadn't been at all sure of his response. His conscience still bore the weight of his past mistakes even as his heart dared to soar with the promise of their future. And as a small smile crept over his face he knew without a doubt, that he was ready. Taking both her hands in his, he kissed each upturned palm and placed them gently over his heart, "Oh honey, I'm so much more than okay."

She closed her eyes when she felt his lips brush against her hands, sighing at the feel of his warm breath and soft lips on her skin. But when he placed her hands on his chest, her eyes fluttered open to find his blue eyes locked on hers. And as she felt the unwavering beat of his heart, she knew that he had given himself to her utterly and completely. "Show me," she whispered.

He stepped backwards toward the bed, leading her by the hands he still held to his chest. His eyes never left hers as he poured his soul out without a word, knowing she could finally see everything he'd been unable to say throughout the years. Releasing his grasp, he let his hands glide up her arms, feeling her shiver under his touch. He slid one hand around behind her neck as he drew their lips closer together, but just before they met, he hesitated. "I didn't think it was possible for me to love you more." Bringing their mouths together for a brief, sensual kiss that sent an electric charge through his body, "But I was wrong."

Sara had almost given up on believing him capable of what he was showing her. Everything she'd needed from him he'd delivered on, everything she'd ever dreamed was being reflected back to her in Grissom's face: joy, love, contentment and most surprisingly, hope. She pulled him closer for a deeper kiss, needing to feel their future in his embrace. Her tongue danced with his ever so slowly as her fingers drifted down to his shirt buttons.

He stilled her hands with one of his own, and shaking his head, "Let me." Bringing his lips to her cheek, he placed tiny kisses along her jaw line before letting his tongue trail up her neck to her ear. "I love you," he whispered just before he pulled her ear lobe into his mouth.

Turning her head, she sighed in delight as she gave herself to the desire he was creating, and to the love they shared. She felt her body come alive under his touch as it never had before, his breath stroked the tiny hairs on her skin making her press herself further into his touch. She was so focused on the smallest details of his actions that she was surprised to find herself being laid naked onto the bed. And as their eyes met once again, she knew she'd never felt as bare before him as she did in this very moment.

He cradled her in his arms protectively as he laid her down, fully aware of the fragile treasure with which he was being entrusted. Trying to swallow the lump that had appeared in his throat, he took in the full beauty of the woman before him and was surprised when he felt tears well in his eyes. But before he could blink them away, her hand cupped his face. And as he pulled in a shaky breath, he felt her wipe away all his guilt and regret right along with his tears.

She could almost physically feel his absolution as he knelt between her legs, the wet trail still visible on his cheeks, the gratitude evident in his eyes. Feeling the slight tremble in his hands as he drew a path up along her legs, she let her eyes slide closed. His fingers ran slowly over her thighs, pausing briefly on her belly before he shifted himself to lie alongside her and pulled her into his arms. She sank into the moment as his caresses ran along her back, her arms, her face and neck. His touch was so feather light that she could feel its promise whisper over her skin like a breath.

He couldn't take his eyes off her as he watched her response. With every touch her body rose up to meet his hand, her mouth opening and closing wordlessly as the minutes melted into each other, her desire escalating his own. He sought out her neck, nibbling and kissing the sensitive path between her ear and her collar bone, never stilling his hands until he felt her moan her need for him against his cheek.

Only then did she feel him slide his fingers down between her thighs and into her soft folds. Arching into him as he circled her clit, she managed only a soft, "Please." She urged him into position, reveling in the feel of his body hovering over her even as she lamented the withdrawal of his touch from between her legs. And just as she positioned him at her entrance, they surged into each other, finally melding their bodies as their hearts and minds had already done.

The feel of her long, lithe legs around his waist, pulling him deeper and deeper as her hips rose to meet his, brought him to the brink. And the sound of his name wrapped in her pleasure as she cried out beneath him was all it took to push him over it. He exploded inside her as he brought his lips to hers, joining them in every way he could as they rode out their passion together.

As soon as he could slow his breathing he rolled off to her side, gazing into her brown eyes as his fingers traced her cheek. What passed between them, as Grissom silently conveyed his understanding, was something that neither would ever forget. He was being given something that very few people ever got a chance at, a new beginning. And as his hand trailed down to gently caress her belly; he placed a soft kiss just below her navel, his heart swelling with love.

"How is that you just managed to do and say everything I needed you to?"

An almost embarrassed smile spread over his handsome face. "Years of practice getting it wrong."

The End


End file.
